I am sure  by now that most people are aware  of the horrible story of former Stanford swimmer Brock Turner and the woman known as Emily Doe, the college graduate who was raped by Turner behind a dumpster while she was unconscious.  Turner was found guilty of three felonies, but got a reduced sentence because the Judge, a Stanford graduate, was worried about the “severe impact” a long prison sentence would have on Turner.  Turner was sentenced to six months but will be out in three.  

    If you read the statement Turner made to the Court, it is impossible to ignore the pathetic attempt and self-pity and the avoidance of responsibility (which has replaced both baseball and football as our national pass time).  Turner attempts to blame alcohol for his fundamental lack of judgment and hideous behavior.  He stated, “I wish I never was good at swimming or had the opportunity to attend Stanford, so maybe the newspapers would not want to write stories about me”.  Could this pusilanimous little piss ant be more contemptible??  He is not to blame.  Peer pressure, alcohol and campus promiscuity attacked Emily Doe, not Brock Turner.  To make matters worse, in a statement by Turner’s dad, he lamented the fact that these “20 minutes of action” were taking away from an otherwise exemplary lead life.  He went on with a sad face to announce to the world that his son no longer ate a rib-eye steak with any zeal or enthusiasm.  Well, if we knew of this sudden eating disorder earlier we could have given Turner no prison time at all.  Folks, how can we take this seriously??  Have we strayed this far from reality?? I would like to remind everyone that Turner fled the scene of the crime on foot after two passing cyclists witnesses the attack and halted it.  

    It is as if the victim, Emily Doe, does not exist.  Our sympathy and lament should be spent on Turner, not Doe.  The damage was done to him, not her.  Somehow, the perpetrator is the victim.  Emily Doe is just a woman who got in the way of Brock Turner’s privileged life and Brock Turner’s father’s grand plan for Brock’s ascent up the corporate ladder.  Emily Doe was not going to louse up their American Dream.  Who was she to do that to them??  She was just a disposable part, cast away to deal with emotional ruin.  

    Many have said that this mindset and light sentence are evidence of white privilege.  I cannot argue that point, but I feel that it does not take into account the true color that matters, which is green, the color of money.  The more affluent you are, the more sympathy you feel you deserve, and the more favors you get and feel entitled to.  Rather than issuing an apology, being sincere and contrite, Brock Turner itemizes the things HE stands to lose as a result of this incident.  More concerned with the impact HIS crime has on him than on her, which brings me to another point that should not be overlooked, which is the way our society treats women.  They are still underpaid and undervalued in the workplace, and are still targets for sexual assault and rape on every college campus in our nation and on every street.  Even in their own homes.  This weak judge could have sent a message to women that their assailants will not see freedom for a long time, regardless of their race, wealth, college or social connections.  But he in turn chose to add to Emily Doe’s nightmare with another attack, letting Turner out in 3 months. Disgraceful.  He should be stripped of his ability to judge any future case, ever.

          We live in a Facebook nation.  This is a fact that must be acknowledged.  It’s not just teenagers or young adults, either.  Many in my 40something age group turn to Facebook to share ideas, thoughts and family events, as well as completely and utterly mundane garbage that belongs in your head or your diary, but not for the world to be bothered with.  I often wonder if Mark Zuckerberg, one of the five co-founders of the social networking website, thought that adults would use Facebook to share such important things as “Tough day, heading for a beer and to bed”, or “My best friend Debbie Marie rocks, she is my true soul sista”, or when you see a post that says, “I hate bossy people, please “like” if you agree”. These are just some examples of the completely insignificant and totally self important things you see on Facebook.  It seems we are getting to the point that every thought that enters our mind and every thing that we do must be rushed onto Facebook to legitimize it.  When did we become such narcissists wherein we now feel that the world is awaiting every detail from our personal life and every thought we have on every subject.  I saw a post several weeks ago where an individual took a photo of the traffic jam he was in.  Fascinating.  Compelling.  Who the hell cares??  Must we be connected to the whole world every minute of every day?? We all sit in traffic  on occasion, what makes your situation so special??

            In contrast to these and other inane posts, I greatly enjoy the inspirational quotes I see and the inspirational stories that people share about those overcoming odds and adversity to achieve a goal.  That is great stuff.  It lifts me up, and lifts us all up.  Cute videos about animals or kids also resonate with me.  These posts have merit and value because the poster and the reader are sharing something funny, interesting, amusing , thought provoking or inspiring.  It is not merely an exercise in telling  the world how important “I”  am to it, but an attempt to connect to others in the world in a more compelling way.  Looking outward rather than looking inward.  Unfortunately, I have to wade through a series of whiny posts before I get to a story about a child who they thought would never see his 5th birthday who now is the star shortstop on his Little League team, or a girl who received a heart transplant at 7 and is now a champion swimmer.  For it is these stories that make the world, make a country, make a community, make a life and make us human. 

            When I was a child (some time ago), my mother waited for my elementary school pictures to come in the mail with baited breath.  Upon receipt, she tore open the package and examined each photo, commenting about the degree of adorabilty with each photo she eye-balled.  Our next visit to my grandmother included these photos as a conversation piece.  My grandmother would put on her bifocals, the pearl chain attached to the glasses so they could be worn stylishly, and closely examined each picture.  She would have to dab her eyes by the time she got to the 8”x10” ones, followed by a pinch on the cheek and the serving of ginger bread cookies.  This exercise continued every year, right up through college (and a few years beyond).  But that was the extent of it.  They got a lot out of seeing my growth from year to year, and it strengthened their bond.  However, their attitude and behavior was  complete apathy compared to what can be witnessed on Facebook.  Have you seen these posts where the complete story of every child is told in its entirety, in pictures and in words?  Endless and ceaseless photos of everyone’s perfect little angels.  Somehow each parent has convinced us (well mostly convinced themselves) that their child is the cutest, funniest, wittiest, most articulate, most athletic, and most talented genius ever to grace a school system.  Where have all the dumb and ugly kids who I knew so well as a youth gone?  Believe me, I’m all for being proud of your children (I have two myself), however, we are overestimating the degree to which an outsider needs to hear minute by minute updates about little Tommy (actually, no one names their kid Tommy anymore, so let’s say little Dylan or little Noah or little Dakota).  I frequently see photos posted by parents of their little darling on a swing set, imploring/begging you to comment on how their child is the apple of everyone’s eye.  Then four or five suckers with a good heart and a high tolerance for pain comment things like, “Aww..”, “What a cutie”, or “She looks just like mommy, let’s get together soon”.  Truthfully, although this sappy syrup festival gives me a cavity, it is not so bad.  What I find interesting is that I have met some of these cherubs, and while they clearly have some of the qualities that their parents insist they have, I can tell you some qualities that they don’t possess, such as caring, sharing, empathy and the ability to be told “No”.  The word “No” seems to be a foreign term to today’s parents.  Believe me, your child can be told “No” and move on.  Believe me, your child does not have to be made to believe he or she gets whatever he or she wants.  So tell me that your child is the next Derek Jeter.  You are full of bull, but ok, we all get excited about our children’s potential.  Why not reach for the stars? But also tell me that they stopped a child from being bullied, that they shared their lunch with a schoolmate who forgot theirs  or can’t bring lunch every day, or that they let a cold friend borrow a jacket.  Tell me your child has compassion.  My 10 year old nephew Daniel is cute, funny, athletic, etc. etc.  But that is not why I am so drawn to him.  Rather it is because he is so kind and so caring.  He possesses a warm heart and a love and appreciation for family and togetherness.  Our world has plenty of cute kids and smart kids, what we need are more kind kids.

            In full disclosure, my two daughters (29 and 25) happen to be beautiful, smart, funny, talented, etc. etc.  Of course, that fills their mother and me with enormous pride.  But it the type of human beings they have become that makes my eyes water.  Kind, caring and compassionate.  Lovers of the earth and animals.  Fair to all, with no sense of bias or bigotry.  Willing to help a fellow human down on their luck or in distress, or who is just struggling with a situation.  For example, about 3 weeks ago my wife, my older daughter Deborah and myself were in a Starbucks.  As we went to our spot in the line, we noticed an older man standing  at the part of the line where you pick up your drink, however, he had never been to the part of the line where you order.  He was slightly disoriented and had a bit of an accent.  He asked for help a few times, but the patrons became frustrated as the line was increasing, and the employees were  overtly annoyed at this man.  Eventually, a “manager” came over to explain about corporate policy, speaking in a curt and dismissive tone.  As I wondered what to do to help this man, my wife and daughter were already plotting  to overthrow the “manager” and assist this older patron.  As we waited in the ever lengthening line, they began to whisper and point.  I knew we were all in trouble now.  Finally, when we got to the front of the line my daughter ordered for herself and the older man.  Though I got stuck with the bill, I was amazed that Deb had taken the bull by the horns and taken action.  Instead of being annoyed with this man, she wanted to help him.  He was all alone in Starbucks, looking overwhelmed.  She then proceeded to tell the man that his coffee was on the way.  As it turned out, he knew exactly what he wanted, it was just that no one took the time to speak to him on a human level, to take the time to explain something calmly and slowly to someone who was struggling to understand what he was doing “wrong”.  When his coffee arrived, he was so appreciative.  He thanked my daughter and my wife for their assistance (he said nothing to me about footing the bill, but I digress).  He left with a big smile.  I had a big smile myself.  I had raised my daughter to care, to be kind, to help someone in need.  Truthfully, she has always been that way, but I like to take partial credit. 

           The United States Supreme Court decided on June 26, 2015 in Obergefell v. Hodges that the recognition and provision of same-sex marriage is a fundamental right guaranteed by the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.  In doing so, the Supreme Court overturned its prior decision in Baker v. Nelson.  This was a landmark ruling that now requires all states to issue a license to marry between all people of the same sex, and requires all states to recognize same-sex marriages validly performed in other jurisdictions.  In writing for the 5-4 majority, Justice Anthony Kennedy found that : “No union  is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family.  In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were.  They (the petitioners) ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law.  The Constitution grants them that right”.  James Obergefell, the named plaintiff in Obergefell v. Hodges said, “Today’s ruling  from the Supreme Court affirms what millions across the country already know to be true in our hearts, that our love is equal”. 

            President Barack Obama praised the decision and called it a “victory for America”.  I heard some on television as well as the radio call that an overly strong statement.  I felt the statement was not strong enough.  The ruling by the Court is a great victory for all people on a human level.  A message was sent that your fundamental, unalienable rights cannot be taken or stripped from you by any government entity or religious group.  The 5-4 majority ruled that preventing same-sex couples from marrying violated their constitutional right to due process under the 14th Amendment and that the states were unable to put forth a compelling reason to withhold that right from people.  Well of course they could not put forth a compelling reason to deny someone their civil rights.  Arguments wherein bigotry,  intolerance and hate are at the forefront are rarely compelling or substantive.  A law that precluded black people, Jewish people, Italians, etc. from marrying would be reviled as an archaic and antiquated law, deserving scorn and ridicule and without merit.  Rightfully so.  It follows logically that as great a watershed event this decision was, it is somewhat disconcerting that it took until the year 2015 to recognize that ALL PEOPLE are deserving of due process, equal protection and equal rights.  For we cannot be the great nation that we should strive to be if any of our citizens are oppressed or discriminated against.  We are Americans, and we should be too good and too proud for that.

            Putting aside the human level victory of the Court’s ruling, the Court also proclaimed a constitutional victory.  I don’t see the argument against this decision viewed through a constitutional prism.  The 14th Amendment, among other things, forbids states from denying any person “life, liberty or property, without due process of law” or to deny any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.  As such, the 14th Amendment greatly expanded the protection of civil rights to all Americans.  That is why I was completely dumb-founded when I read that Chief Justice John Roberts, in his minority dissenting opinion, wrote “Do not celebrate the Constitution.  It had nothing to do with it”.  In keeping with this theme, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton called the Court’s decision a “lawless ruling”, and pledged free of charge court defense for state workers who refuse to marry couples on religious grounds.  I strongly disagree with both men, as the idea that this ruling is extraneous to the Constitution and “lawless” is utterly ridiculous.  But the answer to the objections of these men, as well as others such as Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee, does not lie within the boundaries of their interpretation of the Constitution, but rather lies within the boundaries of their Bible.  Their opposition is strictly on a religious level.  They have forwarded a facile argument in which this ruling is in conflict with religious liberty.  I think that those in this camp have misunderstood the Court’s decision.  While same-sex couples have the option to get married, each citizen is not required to marry a same-sex partner.  To prove my point, I am a strong proponent of this ruling, but I chose to marry a woman (and a beautiful woman to boot).  I cannot comprehend how allowing any group more freedom can make another group feel its rights have been trampled on.  But the talking heads you hear espousing the tenets of the Constitution, such as Sean Hannity and Mark Levin (both of whom I like) cannot cogently or rationally argue against same-sex marriage, especially since the Court has now ruled that same-sex marriage is a fundamental right guaranteed by the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution.  As soon as the constitutional argument is lost, their last desperate attempt in opposing same-sex marriage is rooted in their religious beliefs.  Memo to those of that ilk: your religious beliefs are not compromised by this ruling.  You can still marry the opposite sex (try it, I did and it has been great).  However, we are no longer discriminating against those who opt to marry the same sex.  One of the founding principles of our great nation is the separation between Church and State.  You are completely free to live a life in accordance with your religious principles, but are not free to ask another to live in accordance with your religious principles.  Thankfully, in contrast to  nations that are run by clerics and the like, our government is run using the constitution as its point of reference, not the Bible or any other religious teaching. 

            Obviously I feel that this decision was a great victory for liberty and freedom, and was a long time coming.  I am thrilled for my friends who no longer have to feel like outsiders, shut out from an institution that even in our current climate still has meaning.  Clearly, public opinion on gay marriage has changed, as I read that approximately 60 percent of Americans support it, compared with just 37 percent 10 years ago.  Hopefully, this trend will continue towards LGBT people throughout our nation, in particular the young people.  We must show the members of the LGBT community, especially the younger ones, that we will not stand for intolerance, bigotry or discrimination OF ANY KIND AGAINST ANY GROUP.  We have all read the horror stories of gay teens taking their own lives out of tremendous desperation and a feeling that they are not and will never be accepted, in some cases by their own parents.  Marriage equality is a bold and giant step towards stamping out the idea that gay people should be treated differently, that they are excluded from the mainstream.  In addition, LGBT teenagers should not have to feel lonely and disenfranchised, suffering a deep and powerful internal conflict, self-loathing and poor self-esteem simply because they are gay.  None of our children should have to suffer, and the suffering is especially prevalent in those who are ostracized because they are perceived to be “different”.  Or worse, perceived to be bad or evil people.  Of course, I live in the real world and I am sure that, unfortunately, many who hate will always hate, but so many more have become enlightened and have embraced some of these social changes.  It is never an over-night process, but we are improving as a society.  This great nation can be greater.  A celebration of freedom and liberty is what we started out to be, how we live, and what we should always strive for.  But this can only be accomplished when all people are free to follow their own path and travel on their own journey.